Cultivating a Gentle and Quiet Spirit

May 11, 2025|Cultivating a Gentle and Quiet Spirit|1 Peter 3:1-6

JD Cutler

Click here for the sermon audio

This morning, being Mother’s Day, I wanted to speak from God’s word in a way that particularly addresses our women. As we gather this morning and look around we are surrounded by not only mothers, soon to be mothers, and future mothers, but we see our wives and our daughters, our sisters in Christ, the women that God has placed in our lives.

As a father to two daughters, I am acutely aware of the what the world is telling my daughters they need to be, what they need to be beautiful, strong women.

And much of it breaks my heart.

In the last month or so I have been made aware of a trending statement within what we would call the feminist movement. It’s probably not new, just new to this old man who doesn’t spend much time on social media. The world is calling women to ‘take up space’. Recently a bunch of wealthy women infamously went up in a rocket for an 11 minute sub orbit space trip that one pop star onboard called the ‘taking up space’ crew.

When you search ‘taking up space’ google AI gives you some summary statements on what it means.

What "Taking Up Space" Means:

Authenticity and Self-Expression:It's about being true to yourself and expressing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs without apology or hesitation. 

Assertiveness and Boundaries:It involves setting healthy boundaries and asserting your needs and desires in relationships and interactions. 

Self-Confidence and Empowerment:It's about believing in your worth and having the courage to occupy the space you deserve. 

Being Heard and Seen:It means making your voice heard, sharing your perspectives, and being recognized for your presence and contributions. 

Reclaiming Agency:It's about taking control of your life and making choices that align with your values and goals. 

Much of it is just repackaged, new age, feministic, ‘hoobie joobie’.

Thats a technical term if your curious. It is a rally cry for women to get out front, to speak loudly, to claim spaces, etc..

My hope this morning is to try and counter much of what the world is telling our women they should be by looking at some instruction to women contained within the book of 1st Peter.

We believe the Bible contains what we need to be instructed, to be corrected, and to be trained in righteousness. Amen?

If you have your copy of God’s word, please open to 1st Peter, chapter 3. You will find 1st Peter towards the end of the new testament, right after the book of James. If you get to second peter, you’ve gone too far.

From Peters instruction contained within these 6 verses, I want to give you three areas that describe Godly women. The first area is…

I. The Power of Silent Influence

Let’s pick up in verse 1 of 1 Peter chapter 3.

1 Peter 3:1–2 (ESV)

1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

likewise- the word likewise indicates that this discussion on wives being subject to their own husbands is part of a larger context. Peter is writing to Christians who are confused and discouraged because they have been scattered and are experiencing persecution and difficulties. After calling them to remember the preciousness of their shared salvation and calling them to holiness, Peter calls them to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. Part of that duty is remembering that they are sojourners and exiles and their witness matters among those who do not know God, which brings him to the issue of submission or subjecting oneself to another.

In 1 Peter 2:13, he says, (ESV) 1 Peter 2:13 “13 Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors”. He then reminds them that they are indeed free people, but they are not to use their freedom as a cover-up for evil, but to live as servants of God. This is really the lynchpin of Peter’s call to subjection for various people groups. You belong to the Lord and the Lord has placed you where you are, so live as servants of God. What he is saying is, when you subject yourselves to the authorities in your life in a Godly way, you are actually subjecting yourself to God Himself. Furthermore, when you subject yourself to the authorities God has placed in your life, and in doing so suffer unjustly, not only are you following in the footsteps of Christ, this is actually a gracious thing in the sight of God and evidence that you have entrusted yourself to the One who judges justly. You are displaying trust that God will ultimately put all things right.

The final bit of context we need before we can dig into Peter’s instruction for women is his discussion of servants in verses 18-25. In verse 18 he says, 1 Peter 2:18–25 “18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust.

Now, we can understand Peter’s instruction in verse 1 of chapter 3. Be subject to your own husbands- voluntarily be in submission to your own husbands. It’s easy to subject yourself to power and authorities that are good. If you know a government is designed and operating for the good of its people, it is easy to subject yourself to it. If a servant knows his master is good and will care for and protect his servants, it is easy to subject yourself to him. If a wife knows her husband is Godly and will love her like Christ loved the church, it is easy to subject yourself to them. But what about a government that is not good, what about a master that is not good, what about a husband that does not love the Lord and obey His word?

This, Peter says, is where the power of silent influence is appropriate. Look again at verse 1- the command for wives to subject to their own husbands is given a purpose. So that, even if some do not obey the word, they may be won- The idea here is that they may be gained by the kingdom, that they may be brought into the kingdom of God. How? Not by arguing them into the kingdom. Not by pestering them into the kingdom. Not by convincing them into the kingdom. No, he says they may be won without a word. Now, as a caveat, Peter obviously has in mind men that have heard the word because they are disobedient to it, they know the gospel, they have heard of Christ and His salvation. Why is this an important distinction to make? Because Peter is not calling women to not to witness to their husbands, he is not calling them to simply follow Christ and hope that their husbands will figure out why their conduct is the way it is. No, Paul is calling women whose husbands know that they profess faith in Christ and allegiance to God to live in such a way that the transformative work of Christ in their lives will be evident to their unbelieving spouses.

But ladies, if your husband knows the word, if he has heard the gospel, and he has not responded to it, if he is living in disobedience to it, the answer is not to use your words to persuade him, it is to use your life to persuade him. So, what kind of conduct does Peter say can be a winsome influence in your relationship with your husband? When they see your respectful and pure conduct. The idea of see here is, as they watch you.

This is a note for every believer here this morning. People are watching your life to see if it matches your confession. This is the power of a silent influence. There is a reason we are all familiar with the saying ‘actions speak louder than words’. Parents, your kids are watching your conduct and they will be able to see if your life matches your confession to belong to Christ. (expand there) Employees, your bosses and co-workers are watching your conduct and they will be able to see if your life matches your confession. Employers, your employees are watching your conduct if you profess to be a follower of Jesus. Students…

The reality is that in the world today, there are all kinds of philosophies and self-help strategies out there. There are a million things that claim to be able to transform your life, and to some Christianity is just another way in a sea of options, so they watch those that profess to be Christians to see if there is any validity to the claim that coming to Christ is really the life changing, transformative experience we claim it is.

I heard a man say one time, commenting on a Christian bumpers stickers, that he did not want anything on his car that identified him as a Christian because he doesn’t always drive in a way that would be a good witness. While that may be a little funny, there is truth behind the sentiment. If you are going to claim to belong to Christ, then people are going to associate your life with what it means to follow Christ.

This brings us back to the kind of conduct Peter says can be a powerful force for God. respectful- reverent ((for authority, rank, dignity) pure- from carnality or fleshly actions conduct- your manner of life, your behavior

Primarily, Peter has in mind your behavior towards your husband, but obviously there are farther reaching implications. But dealing with his primary context, Peter calls wives to respect their husbands. To understand that in God’s providence and design he created men to be the head of their wives. Don’t miss the implication, especially considering Peter is talking about unbelieving husbands. Even if his behavior is not worthy of respect, even if he isn’t leading you well, even if you cannot respect his person, you ought to have a reverence for his God given authority in your life.

Add to that reverence a purity of mind and life. That is the way you interact with your husband is not according to the flesh. You don’t use manipulative tactics to get what you want, you don’t weaponize your husbands desire for you as a means of producing behavior. You do your best to operate in the influence and power of the Spirit so that your behavior is free from fleshly and wordly influences in the way you deal with your husband.

Paul says this kind of life can influence your husband for the kingdom, but it doesn’t stop there, it will influence your kids, and as you live this out, your life will be an example to younger women who are watching you, whom you are discipling as Titus 2 says  3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children.

One very important thing to note before we move on in 1 Peter. This kind of living is unnatural for women. Why? Listen to the consequences of the sinful fall of man in regards to women. Genesis 3:16 “16 To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”” Rather than the perfect help-meet meant to labor alongside man in perfect peace, harmony, and submission, sin brought forth a desire to be equal to man in every way, constantly struggling to be out from under his rule but constantly being commanded by God to be under it. What was meant to be a blessing has become a curse. Because this is unnatural, Paul has to say in Titus, young women need to be taught and trained by older women to love their husbands. Does this mean that wives don’t naturally have affection and love for their husbands, not at all. That is natural and biological. Rather, because it is unnatural for them to love their husbands in the way God calls them to, they need to develop that kind of Christ following, God-honoring love.

Which brings us to the how? How does a woman do this? How does she live in such a way that the strength of her silent influence is seen? Peter’s second area of concern this morning is…

II. The Preciousness of True Inner Beauty

1 Peter 3:3–4 (ESV)

3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

Do not let your adorning be external- Peter uses an interesting word here for adorning. Out of the 187 times it is used in the New Testament, it is translated 186 times as world. The greek word is kos'-mos, from which we get the word cosmos. Around the time of the Greek poet Homer and on, the word was used for the idea of ornament, decoration, adornment. In the way that the stars adorn the sky in a beautiful way.

Here is what I think Peter is saying, when it comes to what you think makes you beautiful as a women, do not think in terms of the of external things, or those things which are easily outwardly seen. Examples that Peter gives are the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear. Don’t let your standard of beauty be defined by merely what can be seen on the outside. Can you still take care of these things? Is it wrong to get your hair done, to wear jewelry, to wear nice clothes? I don’t think Peter is saying that at all. In fact Paul issues a similar instruction for Timothy in how to lead the women that he is pastoring in Ephesus.

 9 likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, 10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.

Notice how both Peter and Paul list, hair, jewelry, and clothing indicating, I think, that they are speaking about the same things. Paul is a little more clear, essentially calling women to adorn themselves with modesty and moderation. You can fix your hair, you can wear jewelry, you can wear nice looking clothes, but Paul gives helpful guardrails in doing so. Is it modest, and is in it moderation? What is moderation, or self-control here? I think it is the idea of being in control of what you wear verses allowing the world’s beauty standards to dictate what you wear. At the risk of sounding like a curmudgeon, but being the dad of a teenage daughter and one who is almost there, I see this worldly beauty standard changing at a rapid pace. There are not a lot of formal events for our kids, but prom has always been a big one in my lifetime. But if you do not have a teenager or you haven’t been paying attention on social media during prom season, what is normative and considered beautiful has dramatically shifted in their world. It is becoming harder and harder for our daughters to even find formal dresses that are modest.

But moderation or self-control is refusing to let the world dictate what is beautiful and rather letting your convictions and obedience to scripture dictate what is beautiful.

All of that is an important conversation in our day, and even in the 1st century where the cultural excesses in these areas are well documented, but it isn’t Peter’s or Paul’s primary emphasis. Rather, it is a call for women to define true beauty as something one possess inwardly, or the hidden person of the heart, rather than what one possesses outwardly. You should absolutely have these conversations with your daughters, you should absolutely include these topics in your conversations with your church sisters and with those you are discipling, but more than that we need to point them to this call to define true beauty as something possessed inwardly, rather than outwardly. A beauty that is imperishable, Peter says. A beauty that is not liable to decay or corruption. Proverbs 31 makes a similar point. There the king repeats a poem taught to him by his mother, saying Proverbs 31:30 “30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

The word vain there is the idea of a vapour, a breath, something quickly passing. The book of Ecclesiastes uses this word to indicate something that passes so quickly that it is ultimately pointless. External beauty fades.

In America, there is no lack of opportunity and products aimed at fighting the natural fading of worldly beauty. I was reading statistics from a study conducted, and not that statistics tell the whole story, but they certainly seem to confirm what we see when we look around us. I thought some of their findings were interesting and applicable to the topic this morning.

In one study that polled around a thousand individuals, they found that… American women spend on average over $1,064 a year on their appearance, with 1 in 6 admitting to spending more than they can afford. American women spend on average almost 40 minutes a day on their appearance. 73% of American woman negatively worry about their appearance, with around 50% struggling with self-confidence. 32% of American women would consider cosmetic surgery to improve their appearance. Ladies, listen the world tells you, that you have to do all of this to be beautiful, and if it’s not enough, then you can simply cut and inject yourself to be beautiful, and even then, eventually the world will decide that you are beyond your prime and move on to someone younger and ‘more beautiful’. You can fight it, you can try to prevent it, you can augment it, but outward beauty fades, so why do we spend so much time as a society worrying about it?

Believers, especially, in light of what Paul says here, why would you spend so much time worrying about external beauty when, in God’s sight, the most valuable, the most precious beauty, is not external, but the internal beauty of the hidden person of the heart. Your inner life, your inner beauty. At the end of the day, whose standard of beauty do you want to be in pursuit of? The fickle, ever-changing, impossible standard of external beauty of the world, or the precious, eternal, internal beauty that God delights in?

In 1 Samuel 16, God has rejected Saul as king and has called Samuel to anoint the new king. When Samuel gets to the household of Jesse, where God says he has chosen one of his sons, Samuel sees Jesse’s oldest son, Eliab, and thinks ‘this is him’. Actually he thinks ‘surely this is the Lord’s anointed. But God says to Samuel. “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.”

Jesus even equates the value of the kingdom of heaven to something concealed or internal rather than external, when he says the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.

Again and again, we are told that true value and true beauty come from within and not without, which begs the question. Are we spending as much time cultivating our inner beauty as we do our external beauty? Ladies if you didn’t change anything else in your life, except that you spent as much time thinking about, cultivating, and caring for your inner beauty as you do your external beauty, how different would your life be?

So how does God define this inner feminine beauty? Peter summarizes it when he says the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.

The word gentle here is often translated as meekness, or a mildness of disposition. Jesus describes himself as gentle and lowly in heart, using the same word. It is sometimes translated as humble. Sometimes we can understand an idea better by understanding what it is not. While the world may disagree, the biblical idea of meekness is not weakness. Meekness communicates nothing about strength or power, wether the possession of it or the lack of it. Jesus was the most powerful being to ever walk on the face of the earth and yet he described himself as meek or gentile. Meekness is the opposite of self-assertiveness and self-interest. As we will see in a moment, meekness is actually a display of wholly trusting in God rather than your own strength to defend against injustice.

The word quiet does not mean silent, but rather the idea of a tranquilness or a peacefulness of spirit. It is uses in 1 Timothy 2:2 to describe the way Christians are to live in the word where Paul encourages Christians to desire to lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. Again, Christ is our example of what this looks like.

In chapter 2, verse 21 Peter says, 21 For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. 22 He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. 23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten,

Even when he they heaped revile on him, he did not return it, even when he was suffering, he did not threaten. Christ had an unshakeable peace that led him to maintain a gentle and quiet spirit, even when he was mistreated, which leads us to our last area this morning.

So far we have seen the strength of silent influence which we see finds its source in the beauty of the inner person of the heart, which God finds precious, or valuable, achieved by cultivating a gentle and quiet spirit through the work of the Holy Spirit. Finally, this morning let us look at…

III. The Peace of Faith-Driven Submission

This is the peace we see in Christ throughout his life, but especially in the shadow of the cross as he faces his coming death, a peace so supernatural, that he can pray for those who are nailing him to the cross.

But this peace is also on display throughout the Bible in those who trust God and obey him. Let’s pick up in verse 5 of 1 Peter 3.

1 Peter 3:5–6 (ESV)

5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Peter assures these Christian women that this is how women who hoped in God have always adorned themselves, summed up in ‘by submitting to their own husbands.’ We know from scripture that Sarah was beautiful. In fact the Bible says that the Egyptians who saw here saw that she was very beautiful. So beautiful that the princes of Pharoah went to Pharoah to praise her beauty. Think about this, those who knew Pharoah, the man over all of Egypt, who had his choice of women, thought Sarah was so beautiful that they just had to tell him. I think this is why Peter chooses Sarah over all of the other women he could have used from the Old Testament. Sarah was known for her outward beauty, and in the life of Abraham and Sarah, it actually led to quite a few challenges for them, including with the Egyptians.

But Peter points out that her true beauty came from adorning herself, literally decorated herself with submission to Abraham. Peter points to a particular evidence in Sarah’s life that supports his argument. She obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.

Now, don’t get confused over the language, lord. Sarah was not worshipping Abraham, she was not looking to Abraham for salvation in the way we use the word Lord today.

It is a title of honour expressive of respect and reverence. For Peter, it was the embodiment of his command to be subject to your own husbands. As far as I can tell, there is only one instance of Sarah literally calling Abraham lord, so we can be pretty confident this is the scripture Peter has in mind.

English Standard Version Chapter 18

18 And the LORD appeared to him by the oaks of Mamre, as he sat at the door of his tent in the heat of the day. 2 He lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, three men were standing in front of him. When he saw them, he ran from the tent door to meet them and bowed himself to the earth 3 and said, “O Lord, if I have found favor in your sight, do not pass by your servant. 4 Let a little water be brought, and wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree, 5 while I bring a morsel of bread, that you may refresh yourselves, and after that you may pass on—since you have come to your servant.” So they said, “Do as you have said.” 6 And Abraham went quickly into the tent to Sarah and said, “Quick! Three seahs of fine flour! Knead it, and make cakes.” 7 And Abraham ran to the herd and took a calf, tender and good, and gave it to a young man, who prepared it quickly. 8 Then he took curds and milk and the calf that he had prepared, and set it before them. And he stood by them under the tree while they ate. 9 They said to him, “Where is Sarah your wife?” And he said, “She is in the tent.” 10 The LORD said, “I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife shall have a son.” And Sarah was listening at the tent door behind him. 11 Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in years. The way of women had ceased to be with Sarah. 12 So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?”

Seems pretty insignificant, but I think if you look closer you will be surprised. When did Sarah call Abraham her lord? When she was talking to herself, by herself in the tent. Did God hear her? Yes. Did she know that she was going to be heard? No.

Which means in her own personal thought life, she considered Abraham to be her lord, someone worthy of her reverence and respect. In her internal monologue she referred to her husband as lord. Think about that for a minute, some of us may give lip service to God’s design, we may even play the part at church, but how many of us have so thoroughly embraced God’s design that our internal monologue has been affected?

Abraham had many faith lessons throughout his life, but this morning I want to show you two instances where Sarah would have learned something as well. We have already acknowledged Sarah’s external beauty and that it caused challenges, but I want us to consider those challenges. The first prior to the exchange we just saw in chapter 18 of Genesis, back in chapter 12. The short version is this. There was a famine, so Abram took his family to Egypt to stay during the famine. Realizing that Sarah’s beauty might actually cause the Egyptians to kill him so they could take here, Abram tells Sarai to say that she is his sister, which is partially true, but not the whole truth. This obviously could have been dangerous to Sarai and yet she complies with her husband. Things play out horribly and she ends up taken into Pharaoh’s harem. 17 But the LORD afflicted Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai, Abram’s wife. 18 So Pharaoh called Abram and said, “What is this you have done to me? Why did you not tell me that she was your wife? 19 Why did you say, ‘She is my sister,’ so that I took her for my wife? Now then, here is your wife; take her, and go.” 20 And Pharaoh gave men orders concerning him, and they sent him away with his wife and all that he had. You think this would be a one time mistake, but we find Abraham repeated it in Genesis 20 while in Gerar.

Genesis 20:2–7 “2 And Abraham said of Sarah his wife, “She is my sister.” And Abimelech king of Gerar sent and took Sarah. 3 But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night and said to him, “Behold, you are a dead man because of the woman whom you have taken, for she is a man’s wife.” 4 Now Abimelech had not approached her. So he said, “Lord, will you kill an innocent people? 5 Did he not himself say to me, ‘She is my sister’? And she herself said, ‘He is my brother.’ In the integrity of my heart and the innocence of my hands I have done this.” 6 Then God said to him in the dream, “Yes, I know that you have done this in the integrity of your heart, and it was I who kept you from sinning against me. Therefore I did not let you touch her. 7 Now then, return the man’s wife, for he is a prophet, so that he will pray for you, and you shall live. But if you do not return her, know that you shall surely die, you and all who are yours.””

Now, twice Abraham not only failed to protect his wife but actively put her in, if not harms way, then certainly sins way. Who protected Sarah when Abraham failed to, not once, but twice? God did.

With this understanding of Sarah’s submission to Abraham even in instances where she might have legitimate reason to be afraid, what is Peter’s application point? And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. If you do right without fear or being excited to fear.

Is Paul saying we follow our husbands into sin? No, but, and I don’t know that this is any more comforting, he is saying that if it comes down to submitting to your husband and putting yourself in a situation where you may be tempted to fear, it is still good to obey God’s design and submit to your husband. Now, I can’t imagine that being easy to wrap your mind around, and you may not even agree with me, but when I read the context of Peter’s exhortation to wives, we find these words, concerning our Lord, 22 He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. 23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.

Christ endured mistreatment and ultimately death because he continually entrusted himself to the one who judges justly. I have to believe if a wife is submitting to her husband from a desire to do well and to please God, that God will exercise the same loving care that he did for Sarah. Remember Peter is encouraging Christians who are facing persecution and his primary context for wives is in the case of an unbelieving husband, and his encouragement is to trust God without fear in the same way Sarah did, having peace and knowing that God is just and righteous and no difficulty that his children endure goes unnoticed, not one tear that escapes his children’s eyes from sorrow goes uncounted, not one unrighteous act done against them will stand in the court of heaven.

It should go without saying, but I am not advocating submission to an abusive husband or submission that leads to sin. I am talking about trusting your God given spiritual leader to lead, even when that may be scary for you, even when you may not see how God is going to work out the details.

This faith-centered desire to follow God can not only bring peace, it can display the beauty of your inner person, which Peter says is not only precious to God, but may be transformative for your husband.

Wives and future wives, mothers and future mothers, hear me when I say, that I want you to be as beautiful to God as possible. My desire for all the ladies that God has entrusted me to be an under-shepherd to is that they would reach maturity in Christ, fully formed by the transformative work of the Holy Spirit.

Know that some parts of today’s sermon have been difficult to preach, but I believe that apart from the full counsel of God’s word you will never reach that maturity in Christ.

I want you to understand the power of your silent influence. God can use you to reach your husbands in ways that a thousand sermons could not.

I want you to understand that the beauty that matters to God is your internal beauty, something Peter says is imperishable, that is it does not fade with time, in fact you can become more beautiful the older you get if you are cultivating the beauty of the hidden person of the heart.

I want you to understand that there is peace when we submit to God’s design, a peace that defies understanding.

As mothers, as wives, as disciples who make disciples, you have incredible influence for the kingdom of God.

I pray that this morning you have been equipped and challenged to walk more fully in that influence.

Let us pray.